To be honest, this poem has given me chills...uncannily and serendipitously you happened to have written things that verbalize specifics of my day. Except, I am more pretentious than you, I think, in that I do condescend as to understand more than I probably do (lol?)...
"something that cannot be released until it reaches its time"-- my impatience...I cannot tell you how impatient I am. I am pretty much screaming from the mountains "MONEY, COME TO ME NOW, I BEG OF YOU" a' la a readership willing to "let me in the club" so to speak
"unlike the glass of wine"---ashamed and embarrassed to say it, but I paid to have whiskey delivered to me tonight, because I was feeling stressed out and lonely too, and I took 2 shots as to chill out
"My insecurities"-- I am so freaking insecure and I had been talking about that today to a number of people. I am so insecure. Frankly most of that insecurity can be attributed to the rather sickening marketing-obsessed culture we live in which requires you to "pretend to understand" so much more than you do. (You as in...any of us...
By any chance would you happen to be familiar with any poetry by Ariana Reines? In a lovely conversation with the poet and professor Christopher Salerno, her book *A Sandbook* happened to be recommended. she says "We were lost in a language of images. It was growing difficult to speak. Yet talk was everywhere.
SOME OF US STILL SOUGHT TO DOMINATE ONE ANOTHER INTELLECTUALLY [caps for emphasis mine]
....the images gave us no rest yet failed over and over despigte the immensity of their reailism..."
I mean, *if I didn't know any better*--- I'd swear you'd agree at least somewhat with that!
"in the cold, polarized air"-- This scares me. Not more than two hours ago, I walked my beautiful godly dog Yago in the snow, and I contemplated Medium.com article titles, in fact, and thought to myself: "people are SO polarizing" in their attempts at you know, like trying to steal our attention. And I thought....for better or worse, I fail to provide the Medium readership with polarizing titles (by the way, I would not have known a thing even about the concept of polarization and its power but for Mark Manson who actually wrote a book for men on how to "get" women, which I read out of curiosity, not out of desire to manipulate...rather , I am interested in how men, sadly, do manipulate, and how women either feed it or are suckered in by it. But he talks a lot about the power of polarization. Like, if you're attracted to a woman, be super up-front and tell her and put her in a position either to "accept and build" (as actors and actresses might put it) or be like "ew fuck off you creep". I see that this "polarization" is utilized for much more than trying to get sex. ...but THE FACT that I literally was thinking this, as I walked in the snow, TODAY, the day that you also happened to verbalize other things that happened today....well, I beg you to forgive me for ranting on about it.
"Pretending they don't see how live is somehow playing in the shadow"-- I mean, I think this could go in multiple directions. LIke, from one example, I think of the mistake of severe self-loathing. Like, though you don't know it, somebody out there truly appreciates you, but to utter as much is just to scary. easier to swipe date prospects on Tinder and Adult Friend Finder and be superficial than be...oh dare we say... " vulnerable".
What I am saying is that I LOVE what you wrote. It takes the reader beyond "hmm maybe I can make money and be popular on medium so I should say nice things to people in hope that they read me and help me make more money to pay it forward" .... what you wrote resonates with me eerily.
<3
