A PAST SEX LIFE
WRITTEN BETWEEN SATURDAY, MAY 27TH AND FRIDAY, JUNE 13TH, 2023
Ah, yes, sex with Deanna was like… “so fucking electric,” as Damiano David from Maneskin sings in the song “I Wanna Be Your Slave.” And it was so… natural… and organic, was in such a profound state of flow! Neither of them had to try to create the electricity. It was simply… there! In hindsight, for a time, this perplexed him. Why was it so easy then to have such hot sex and so frequently? Whereas sometimes he experienced brutal dry spells when it seemed as though he was somehow mystically repulsive. (By “mystically” repulsive I mean to say that his apparently complete lack of attractiveness was incomprehensible to him. There was a time when he understood his apparent lack of attractiveness because he had a depressing and boring energy; he drank super heavy — liquor, usually whiskey — starting at dusk, around the civil twilight until whenever he passed out…usually well after midnight; because he never exercised; he worked a low paying job he was overqualified for; he didn’t spend much time cleaning his spaces; a lot of anger and depression and anxiety remained trapped in his body; he had no friends; he was an egotist…et cetera…but this had all changed! Now his energy was rather cool and radiant; he only drank beer and only drank one or two cans before bed… in the spirit of a nightcap; he generally exercised about two hours a day, sometimes three; he got a new and better paying job with more responsibilities; he cleaned his spaces often and with diligence; he made numerous friends and became part of a community; he devoted his awareness to shedding his ego. In this sense we are…as 2Pac says, “fucking with a changed man” who “slang a new dope to the world”)
If he could just tap into whatever it was about him that attracted, manifested such a hot and thrilling sex life…! And so, yes, he contemplated that strange and mystical period of his life, eighteen years ago (!).
He recalled how she made sex so adventurous and fun, suggesting they film themselves fucking, role play, find places in public where they could do it — his favorite of those experiences was that day they’d been walking through a gated community and found a little enclave and she asked him if he was up for it then and there. Yes he was. She unbuttoned her jeans and pulled them and her panties down a little, and he put his already erect penis inside her and they both came together after a few minutes, then looked at each other laughing, smiling, saying they couldn’t believe they’d really just done that.
He knew how to treat sex like some kind of grand performance or rock and roll concert and she usually got off with him multiple times. They usually orgasmed together, which he loved more than anything else. To this day, cumming while a woman cums is one of his favorite ways to climax. Though there were occasions where she did not orgasm at all, and he’d totally destroy the mood and he’d say it was no good if she didn’t cum. They’d then stop abruptly and she would say she wished he was not so uptight and idealistic sometimes during sex. And he’d get triggered. He’d complain that she didn’t care about the sex as much as he did and in a tone which would seem to imply this was a fault. But when the boy wasn’t uptight, and he just rocked his body into her and gave her all of his attention, using his hands, his kisses, his dirty talk, his moans…she had no complaints in those instances…
